IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
