Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
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