I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
