I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
