While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
If I had your ass I would rule the world
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Randomize
