Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
