I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
