Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
I feel like abortions should bother me more
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
Couch. On fire.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
