No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
be right there i have to get my cape
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Randomize
