dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
