you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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