Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
