I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
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