I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
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