Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
