everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
