My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
I can't turn off my feet"
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
Randomize