If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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