suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Randomize
