no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
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