Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
