her vagine was all disorganized.
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Randomize
