Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
