sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
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