i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize
