Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Randomize
