If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Randomize
