I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
