WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Randomize
