Can i not drive my cunt home
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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