Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
