I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
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