'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
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