Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize
