I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Randomize
