How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
