Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
well I can't set my house on fire every night
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
