Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
My sheets look like a crime scene.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
So I just went to clothing optional bar
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize
