i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
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