Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
