He is such a slut. More and more my type.
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Randomize
