I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
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