Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Randomize
