I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
i think i just naturally attract stoners
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
