Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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