I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
Randomize
