My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
