You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
