I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
