I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Randomize
