I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
