I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
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