Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
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