morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
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